Repeated Day 


Day 6.  No better than the past 5 days.  In some ways, it’s worse just because it’s not better.  

I often wonder how something so ugly and horrible could exist.  How can there be such strong evil.  Don’t get me wrong, I know why evil exists.  I just can’t quite comprehend the evil of addiction.  It’s different to me.  It robs you of your agency, binds you up. Then when you want to change, you still feel like there is a lifetime of fighting ahead of you.  It makes me feel helpless and angry.  Like we’re the evil we are fighting is a million times stronger than we are.

The more I learn about addiction through time, the less answers I have.  I get more lost.  Maybe that’s the cycle most people go through? Starting out with a bright and perfect hope, then diminishing through the seemingly never-ending struggle.

With hope,

The Addicts Wife 

7 comments

  1. Reading your post brings me back to some very painful, lonely times in my life, and my love with an addict. I use to feel hopeless in the midst of it all.. Being stolen from, lied to, and watching a man you absolutely adore falling apart sicker than anything you’ve seen. When he doesn’t even want to have you around, he’s angry and different. It’s gut-wrenching, but even though that evil seems close its all happening for a reason. You’re learning something so many others don’t have in this world, compassion. True compassion.

    Down the path of loving an addict, I learned to pray a lot, let him wage his wars(it’s hard, I know) and I put all my faith and trust in God. I started praying, found an amazing church, and God is the only reason I’ve made it through what he and I have. He gave me that strength, and made me not hopeless.

    Psalms 34:17-20 “When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.”

    Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

    Stay strong💕

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  2. Reading your post brings me back to some very painful, lonely times in my life, and my love with an addict. I use to feel hopeless in the midst of it all.. Being stolen from, lied to, and watching a man you absolutely adore falling apart sicker than anything you’ve seen. When he doesn’t even want to have you around, he’s angry and different. It’s gut-wrenching, but even though that evil seems close its all happening for a reason. You’re learning something so many others don’t have in this world, compassion. True compassion.

    Down the path of loving an addict, I learned to pray a lot, let him wage his wars(it’s hard, I know) and I put all my faith and trust in God. I started praying, found an amazing church, and God is the only reason I’ve made it through what he and I have. He gave me that strength, and made me not hopeless.

    Psalms 34:17-20 “When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.”

    Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

    Stay strong 💕

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  3. My sweet sister. As I hear your cry, I feel as though you are my daughter-in-law. My step-son was addicted to drugs and alcohol for many years. I think of when Peter was asking the Lord if he would help him walk on the water. He did it, as long as he did not look down. When he looked down, he began to fear. Yet, Jesus took his hand and he was able to come unto the Lord. I( know that the Lord loves your husband. I also know He loves you. My sweet little sister, don’t look down. Always look up. Jesus is there for you in your struggles, just as He is for me and even your husband. It was good to meet you, even though it was only for a brief moment in time. Hugs from an older sister. Matthew 14:22-33.

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