In the light 

Lately I have been understanding honesty differently than ever before.  Before now, there no depth to being honest.  Now the connection is clear.   

The father of lies uses guilt as the motivator to keep things secret.  


  1. I know these posts are older, I’m not really expecting anyone to see this. I’m more or less typing to get my emotions out. I’m also an LDS woman who has been married to an addict, well, for our entire marriage. I don’t know what “normal” is in a marriage. I have felt it all, I relate to everything you’ve said. I wish I had the love in my heart as you do. I am broken. I’ve held to my faith and pray for strength to endure daily but my soul feels like I’m being tortured. I am trying to turn it over to the Lord and that’s my struggle. If I turn it over to Him how do still allow the pain not to penetrate my soul? As we still live in a mortal body those feelings just don’t go away. The addict usually thinks he is only hurting himself, but my husband knows how much he’s hurt me literally in every way possible, that’s doesn’t mean he really cares. I feel torn. I made eternal covenants, I’ve not just walked away when things got hard. I feel like I’ve fought for us, I’ve sacrificed so much, I don’t believe in giving up…. but what is that cost? My daughter who is 10 has such a deep hatred for her father, my son tells me he’s going to be his dad’s example. My anxiety increases dramatically every time he comes into the room, I never have peace because I live with a ticking time bomb or Jekyll and Hyde.
    Again, I try to keep that eternal perspective but living the way we do is unsafe and wrong. So, I remain torn. The sad thing is, my husband is only decent when he’s high. All our good memories happen to be at times he was high and that clouds even the best of times. I admire you for the love you still have and show. I really want to feel that, although I love him as a person and father of our kids my love has forever changed. Addiction changes everyone. I believe that Heavenly Father knows me and what I’ve endured, I believe He wants me to be happy, He wants my kids and me to be safe, yet if I divorce I still feel lime I’ve failed my test.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your honesty! How you feel is normal. I have seen the same struggle amongst many families. You are not alone! Have you ever been to the LDS Family Support meeting? Please find one and go. It changed MY life, because I learned I could not change my husband. I’m still learning and I will post here soon again.


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