In the valley 


You can’t be enough of anything, to avoid struggle.  Not smart enough, careful enough, responsible enough, safe enough.

Right now I’m in the valley.  I seem to be really good at wasting my precious energy, and one of those ways is by telling myself I shouldn’t be here. WHY DO I DO THIS?  As if I’m not already exhausted enough, I’m going to use the little energy I do have shaming myself. AWESOME!  That’s killing two birds with one stone, except you scored for the wrong team.

It’s like my world slowly got dimmer and dimmer while I went through day by day.  Then all of the sudden I wake up one day in the dark, and everything is different. Everything is heavy.  In my dark world, everything is absolute.  My past present and future look just as dark as I feel inside.  When you tell me to do this or that, all it does is confirm to me I must be broken when those things don’t work.

This time though, my dark world is different. Usually, I never look pain in the face. I actually pretend it’s not there.  I try to out busy the pain.  This time, I can sit with it.  It’s true discomfort but at least I’m not numb.  I can stare at it.  I can talk with it.

Most of our growth comes from pain right!  I mean think about it. Think about the turning points in your life. Think about the moments that make you, YOU.  Mine are toughies.  They are sucker punches.

Using any one of my easy buttons to ignore or avoid pain has never worked.  I have never drunk away pain, that didn’t reappear the next day.   Drinking, eating, spending, busying myself, working, or______(fill in the blank) never has put pain behind me permanently.  The next day it’s always right there in front of me.  UNTIL I FACE IT.  Until I sit with it.  Until I look it in the eye.  Until I learn from it.   The valleys however deep, can still be magical.

“Don’t knock the valleys. Up on the mountain, the air’s so thin you can hardly breathe and all you can do is stand still and try not to fall. And down in the the valley is where the river flows.”

Part 2- …But I’ll take both 

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