1. We admitted we were powerless– that our lives had become unmanageable.
The reason why the 12 steps are always the answer, is because there are layers and layers in each one. There is beauty in something that you can build upon forever.
“Little does the addict, or any of his or her critics, realize that when any of us face a problem of insurmountable proportions, we are actually facing the greatest truth we can ever know in mortality-the nature of our true relationship to God, that of ourselves we are “nothing” while in God all wisdom and power reside”
I remember one particular meeting I went to where we were on step 1. I brought my sister in law with me. My husband, is her brother. We had the same qualifier. At this point I was working on Step 3, and she didn’t see how recovery applied to her. How she started her share confirmed this: “Even though my life isn’t unmanageable….”
GUYS. BIG MOMENT FOR ME. That was the very moment I woke up. I realized what a blessing it was to know that my life was unmanageable. Regardless of the circumstances that got me here, it got me HERE. It showed me my nothingness. I became so thankful to be in a place where I knew that I couldn’t do it on my own. Anything powerless, needs power and because I knew I was powerless I could now look to the only one who is all powerful.
I used to fear that he wouldn’t choose Recovery, then once he did, I would already be living in fear of his next relapse. This cycle takes many different forms and really never leaves until I turn back to step 3, and turn it over to Papa.
With a little more practice, today, when I catch myself living in fear I can see how I’m consumed in SELF. Fear, comes from my lack of awareness that Papa is just as interested in his success as I am. Fear and wanting to fix creeps in when I forget that I am powerless over the outcome. Today, I can pause and choose to save my precious energy for something far better. Because what does fear do for us anyway? Who does it serve?
On the good days, I see God in everything. The trials seems worth it and the pain has purpose. In every message or quote, I feel uplifting power. I am so thankful for everything that led me here.
But on the bad days, those same tools don’t work. In fact, it makes it worse. Feeling detached from things that I feel should help but don’t, makes me feel alone and hopeless.
So I get it. Something has to change. I am pausing, and realizing I can’t keep going to the tools that don’t work for me in this harder place. How can I heal from my bad days? I need some new ideas. Please help.