I had a biology lab this week for an online class I am taking. I looked at the lab and was immediately overwhelmed. I was pouring over the pages that looked like it was written in a foreign language. I was so frustrated and discouraged feeling that this lab was impossible for me to do. I was completely lost as I stared at the information that made absolutely no sense to me.
After a few hours of a breakdown of defeat, I decided to try again. This time I just read one word at a time, one line at a time. I slowly made my way through the lines, through the pages then through the lab. I. DID. IT. Not only did I do it, I UNDERSTOOD IT. IT MADE SENSE. The same pages that hours before looked impossible, now were clear.
This is how I experience life. Years ago. My life looked like my first glance at that biology lab. IMPOSSIBLE. It made no sense to me. Nothing was adding up, and I felt overwhelmed, frustrated and discouraged. I lived in control, fear, worry, blame, resentment, and inaction. but. then something happened. I went to a meeting. Then another, then another. I got a sponsor, I worked the steps (one step at a time I might add). And today, I can see. It makes sense. All of it. Line upon line, I learned, stretched, grew, gained hope and faith. Line upon line. What once made no sense, now was so clear.
I love God. I love my Savior. Mortality is hard, but it is BEAUTIFUL too. The hard things can still be beautiful. Today, when I snap at someone but am able to make amends quicker, THATS BEAUTIFUL TO ME. When my character weaknesses start showing up but I notice and am able to ask God to remove them from me, THATS BEAUTIFUL to me. When I am in the middle of something painful, but I know I am growing through it. Its. So. Beautiful to me. The process is amazing.
Sitting in meetings, changes me. The Savior sits in those rooms with us. He wipes the tears of each person sharing their heart and soul, their struggle and triumph, their hope and despair. All of it. To be able to go to meetings to talk about the Savior of the world, and to experience his atonement. Its so beautiful to me.